Lam Gopal Balma ki Aag

A fire is burning. I can sense it, I can smell it, I can feel it. It is not a regular fire, it is the fire of fury of all the fans of the original Embers which Samesh Rippy had smoldered in the heart and soul of the Indian fillum buffs. The embers which LGB had deliriously hoped would convert to an inferno has sadly come to be only charred remains of rotten eggs which viewers and critics have hurled at it.

Anyway, since I haven’t myself subject myself to the ordeal (nor do I intend do — I like my eggs fried or made into an omelette), I would not waste the time of the readers any further and get straight to the point — what piqued me about the movie was its name. It wasn’t just Aag, it wasn’t even Fire, it was egotistically termed “Lam Gopal Balma ki Aag” as if the fire amongst the rest of us can’t manage to match its heat (we would need Shisha Thothari to produce heat, after all!). And I was just wondering, as always, what would happen if LGB really took his ego seriously and inserted it all over the movie. Sample some of the dialogs (suitably modified so that they can be incorporated into ‘LGB ki Aag’:

  • Lam Gopal Balma ki Ghunghroo, in Lam Gopal Balma ke kutton ke saamne mat naachna… (Ghunghroo almost makes me feel like its a hybrid between a heroine and a horse, so no harm singing and dancing in front of LGB’s Dogs. Isn’t it?)
  • Lam Gopal Balma ke gaonwaalon … (and I hope he jumps down)
  • Yeh haath mujhe de de Lam Gopal Balma ke Thakur … Yeh haath mujhe de de … muhahahaha (imagine the terror when Babban says these spine-chilling lines)
  • Arre o Lam Gopal Balma ke Thambe, Kitne aadmi they re? (Mard toh sirf ek hi tha … Lam Gopal Balma. Baaki sab toh … and Thambe!! What a name?!!)
  • Itna Sannata kyun hai Lam Gopal Balma ke Bhai? (Err… actually Sir LGB has gone to the loo. We are waiting on him.)
  • Yeh Lamgadh waale apni ladkiyon ko kaun si chakki kaa aata khilate hain? (Lam Gopal Balma ki Chakki, without any doubts!)
  • Chal Lam Gopal Balma ke rickshaw (a la Bajaj Auto), aaj Lam Gopal Balma ki Ghunghroo ki izzat ka sawal hai (LGB ghunghroo pehenta hai :O?)
  • Nahi Ghunghroo, in Lam Gopal Balma ke kutton ke saamne mat naachna (But you can dance in front of other dogs)
  • (Not quite from the smoldering embers, but…) Lam Gopal Balma ke Kutton, Lam Gopal Balma ke kaminon! Main Lam Gopal Balma ka khoon pee jaaunga (Finally, the truth! Me too!!)

And thus, a movie was excoriated.

[With help from here and here]

[Those in the know would immediately realize the pun on the abbreviation of the esteemed Director’s name. Especially, those who have been bitten by mosquitoes]

[On other news, I am going to be traveling (yo.. again!), so expect fewer posts, but hopefully a travelogue!]

Update: Added one more dialog (2nd last)

About kpowerinfinity
I *♥* technology, business, conversations, experiences, books, music, theater, coffee and people. I am an entrepreneur in the city of Bangalore - my company, Capillary, provides customer engagement programs and marketing services to retailers around the world.

11 Responses to Lam Gopal Balma ki Aag

  1. ish says:

    LOL! I loved this. You could have called him Lame Gopal Balma too :)

    I heard the movie was disappointing too. And the names are seriously sick. And the best part was that even Amitabh Bachchan couldn’t manage to prevent the movie from crashing at the box office.

  2. shuz says:

    lol… this project was a big flop… it kinda created this hype from the start and most ppl knew this wud not work… sholay is a cult classic… u need to be really stupid or ultra brave to remake this one…

    i have huge respect for RGV… he is not another KJ… probably if he made this movie without any connection to sholay, it wud have gone him good…

    love ur post:)

    see ya!

  3. arvind says:

    he he..good post
    i wonder what miracles the another company is going to create which bought the rights recently ..
    sorry forgot the name.. :P

  4. @ish: I don’t think even the biggest of the bees could have prevented this hive from falling.

    @shuz: Well, RGV has made some good ones, but he completely went postal with this. Hopefully he cooks up something better next time on the fire.

    @arvind: It’s Pritish Nandy Communications — read the news report here.

  5. ish says:

    PNC is not only making Sholay again. It’s making a prequel, a sequel and even an animated version. They’ve spent way too much money on buying the rights in any case. I wonder what will happen if all these movies bomb as well.

  6. Sona Agrawal says:

    Good one! tho’ ur balma reminds me of some Kapoor….neways, waiting for ur take on Darling….”Laam Gopal Balmaaa ki Dalling”…..i heard there has been lot of kushti and foot massage in the film. Well, to continue the flair –
    Laam Gopal Balma ki kushti and Laam Gopal Balma ki foot massage…Ahm ahm!!!!

  7. puresunshine says:

    H hahahaha! good post! Aag is running only one show in plexes here! Darling, I have heard is much better. But not worth spending money on!!
    @Sona- Yeah-the balma thing reminds one of Shakti kapoor in Chaalbaaz!! lolz!
    PNC is smart. I’m sure they will market it well.

  8. @sona-di: Yes. I did think of “Balllllmaaa” Shakti Kapoor but decided against mentioning him here.

    @puresunshine: If Aag ran more shows won’t people come and burn them down? I am not watching either Darling or her Aag unless I want to find out how low cinema has fallen (good excuse :P — I used that for K.A.N.K.)

  9. Nova says:

    lol!!! Hilarious… No wonder RGV accepted after the fiasco “I was stupid to even think i could remake Sholay” :P

    Sometimes the something happens to the sensibilities of directors like RGV also… whew!!!!

  10. Rohit Swain says:

    Wow….that was really hilarious….i thought m reading an article in the newspapaer…..balmaa surely reminds me of ..Shakti ..
    ;-)
    but did not expect this frm a director like Ramu…

  11. Rupesh says:

    Ram Gopal Verma ki Factory mein AAG
    jisse fire brigade wale bhi rahe hain bhag…!!

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